Dear Mena Suvari,
It truly pains me to write this. Ever since we locked eyes during “The Rage: Carrie 2” I’ve known we were soulmates. We’ve been through good times (“American Beauty”) and bad times (“Loser”) together. Unfortunately, the time has come for me to let go. You went from being a beautiful angel to looking like a Garbage Pail Kid come to life. I know it’s Mercedes-Benz fashion week and you wanted to look extra “fashioney” for the premiere party last night, but I’m afraid this is even too much for me to bare. I have defended you in the past, but now I will most likely agree with the GoFugYourself girls when they rip your hideous bangs to pieces.
We’ll always have “The Rage.”